My partner and I have been together for 8 years . I feel like I am aggressive and assertive trying to communicate and he often advoid when there are disagreements . He would want to be left alone and not talk about it . Recently we got into a fight and after the fight he wants to give up on our relationship . He don’t feel like talking to me , don’t want to be intimate with me and feels annoyed with me . We were fine for months before the fight and after the fight things took the plunge . He doesn’t want to work on our relationship no more . What should I do ?
He says he doesn’t have feelings but his actions when he’s with me shows he still does , how can we rekindle our relationship and be happier together, we have a daughter she’s 2 we both want the same thing with each other don’t know where to begin
What is the best way to approach my situation. My husband is unhappy with me not meeting his needs. I try my best to put effort into meeting his needs but he tells me he doesn’t see it. Main thing for him is because I don’t listen or do exactly as he says. I can see where I have neglected things too. He wants me to respect and love him by doing what he asks of me and I should drop what I’m doing and do it because that’s how he shows his love for me. I don’t want him to feel hurt but I am also struggling to feel that connection with him when he gets upset that I’m not doing what he asks. Or show love the way he says it should be. Married 20 years and struggling for 6 to find that balance we both need to be kind to each other. Thank you.
What can I do if my wife doesn't want to work on the marriage, she doesn't love me anymore, had an affair and keeps saying all she wants is a divorce to be free from me.
Hello Mark,
I know this is a tuff place to be in the relationship experience. I have been there myself. You know you love this person, and you can see so many great things between you for your future. You also have incredible memories of your past together that confirms your knowing about how good it can be. They, on the other hand are not willing to "show up" and share themselves with you like they once did, and are hell bent on ending things. It can make a person straight up crazy...I know it sure did me years ago.
I want to share with you a relationship principle that I had to learn and accept too. Its as principled as gravity. it does not matter if you don't like it, because it is what it is...
Relationships are a co-creation with another human being. Meaning each person that is a part of the relationship will need to participate for the relationship to continue. If a person does not want to co-create with us anymore, which each and every one of us has the agency and right to choose, it must then be accepted. To do otherwise, will create dysfunction from our attempts in getting them to stay from the use of our manipulation tactics. (begging, pleading, threatening, criticizing, coercion, etc.) Bottomline, there is no way to co-create with someone who does not want to co-create with us.
I know the letting go part is difficult to do, so I am going to encourage you to become part of the Better Love Club. I promise it will give you the understanding and support you need to let go...and accept what is; which will then allow your life to unfold in ways that will bring back the love and joy again for you. I encourage you to Schedule a free Clarity Call to learn more about the Better the Love Club. Sending you tons of love for the journey.
What is it called when my wife turns my words into negativity and tells me my words need to make sense to her. She hears her own words when I speak.
Hello Dave,
Bottomline is... its called Manipulation. The emotional driver of this for the other person is...I don't know how or don't desire to regulate my emotions enough to actually understand what your striving to say to me; which lets be honest takes effort from us all. Instead, I manipulate you by shutting you down, criticizing, belittling, etc. thereby creating the illusion that this is all your fault. The reality is, the person does not know how, or is unwilling to do what I call "emotional weightlifting," which would allow the understanding and connection to happen through each persons ability to both share and listen. which is really what communication should be about...UNDERSTANDING each other. unfortunately, its very common for us humans to use it as a weapon instead!
10 yrs and now he looks at me like the bad guy
Danielle,
When we feel emotional pain in our relationships, we also create a narrative to explain our experience, and come up with an answer as to "WHY" i believe its happened. I call this human experience an "Internal Movie." Simply put, its what we make up is true about what has happened. and In our "Internal Movies" its easier for us to come up with a story to blame someone, than it is to take responsibility for ourselves.
My partner and I have been together for 8 years . I feel like I am aggressive and assertive trying to communicate and he often advoid when there are disagreements . He would want to be left alone and not talk about it . Recently we got into a fight and after the fight he wants to give up on our relationship . He don’t feel like talking to me , don’t want to be intimate with me and feels annoyed with me . We were fine for months before the fight and after the fight things took the plunge . He doesn’t want to work on our relationship no more . What should I do ?
He says he doesn’t have feelings but his actions when he’s with me shows he still does , how can we rekindle our relationship and be happier together, we have a daughter she’s 2 we both want the same thing with each other don’t know where to begin
What is the best way to approach my situation. My husband is unhappy with me not meeting his needs. I try my best to put effort into meeting his needs but he tells me he doesn’t see it. Main thing for him is because I don’t listen or do exactly as he says. I can see where I have neglected things too. He wants me to respect and love him by doing what he asks of me and I should drop what I’m doing and do it because that’s how he shows his love for me. I don’t want him to feel hurt but I am also struggling to feel that connection with him when he gets upset that I’m not doing what he asks. Or show love the way he says it should be. Married 20 years and struggling for 6 to find that balance we both need to be kind to each other. Thank you.
What can I do if my wife doesn't want to work on the marriage, she doesn't love me anymore, had an affair and keeps saying all she wants is a divorce to be free from me.
Hello Mark, I know this is a tuff place to be in the relationship experience. I have been there myself. You know you love this person, and you can see so many great things between you for your future. You also have incredible memories of your past together that confirms your knowing about how good it can be. They, on the other hand are not willing to "show up" and share themselves with you like they once did, and are hell bent on ending things. It can make a person straight up crazy...I know it sure did me years ago. I want to share with you a relationship principle that I had to learn and accept too. Its as principled as gravity. it does not matter if you don't like it, because it is what it is... Relationships are a co-creation with another human being. Meaning each person that is a part of the relationship will need to participate for the relationship to continue. If a person does not want to co-create with us anymore, which each and every one of us has the agency and right to choose, it must then be accepted. To do otherwise, will create dysfunction from our attempts in getting them to stay from the use of our manipulation tactics. (begging, pleading, threatening, criticizing, coercion, etc.) Bottomline, there is no way to co-create with someone who does not want to co-create with us. I know the letting go part is difficult to do, so I am going to encourage you to become part of the Better Love Club. I promise it will give you the understanding and support you need to let go...and accept what is; which will then allow your life to unfold in ways that will bring back the love and joy again for you. I encourage you to Schedule a free Clarity Call to learn more about the Better the Love Club. Sending you tons of love for the journey.
What is it called when my wife turns my words into negativity and tells me my words need to make sense to her. She hears her own words when I speak.
Hello Dave, Bottomline is... its called Manipulation. The emotional driver of this for the other person is...I don't know how or don't desire to regulate my emotions enough to actually understand what your striving to say to me; which lets be honest takes effort from us all. Instead, I manipulate you by shutting you down, criticizing, belittling, etc. thereby creating the illusion that this is all your fault. The reality is, the person does not know how, or is unwilling to do what I call "emotional weightlifting," which would allow the understanding and connection to happen through each persons ability to both share and listen. which is really what communication should be about...UNDERSTANDING each other. unfortunately, its very common for us humans to use it as a weapon instead!
10 yrs and now he looks at me like the bad guy
Danielle, When we feel emotional pain in our relationships, we also create a narrative to explain our experience, and come up with an answer as to "WHY" i believe its happened. I call this human experience an "Internal Movie." Simply put, its what we make up is true about what has happened. and In our "Internal Movies" its easier for us to come up with a story to blame someone, than it is to take responsibility for ourselves.