#199: Neglect Is Destroying Your Relationship – Recognize the Signs Before It’s Too Late
Picture this: you're sitting across from your partner at dinner, phones tucked away, the kids asleep, and for a moment, it’s just the two of you. But instead of feeling connected, there’s a quiet distance. That ache of disconnection? You're not alone. A staggering 67% of couples report feeling emotionally detached, often without realizing it until it's almost too late.
I’m Staci Bartley, and here on Love Shack Live, along with my co-host Tom and our daughter Brooke, we’re uncovering the invisible forces pulling couples apart—specifically, the sneaky culprit of neglect. Whether you’ve been here before or are tuning in for the first time, today’s conversation will help you recognize and stop neglect from eroding your connection.
The Silent Killer: Relationship Neglect
Neglect in a relationship doesn’t look like a messy house or a pile of dirty dishes. It sneaks in quietly. Unlike physical chores, you won’t see immediate evidence of its damage. But over time, neglect can lead to emotional atrophy. And that’s when the breakdowns begin.
Maybe it's the excuse of being "too busy." Work, kids, life—they all seem to take precedence. But here’s the truth: If you don’t find time for your relationship, you’ll eventually find yourself without one to worry about. The slow decline caused by neglect often goes unnoticed until it hits a breaking point, leaving couples to wonder, How did we get here?
What’s Really Behind "I Don’t Have Time"
"I don’t have time" is a convenient excuse, but it often masks deeper avoidance. Are you avoiding conflict? Are you overwhelmed by everything else going on? Maybe you’re putting off connection because it feels uncomfortable to face the growing emotional distance between you and your partner.
But here’s the reality: If you continue avoiding your relationship, you’re creating a space where emotional distance thrives. What seems like a harmless choice today will result in bigger, more painful consequences tomorrow.
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How to Recognize the Signs of Neglect
Neglect doesn’t always look like outright disconnection. Sometimes it shows up in subtle ways. Here are some common signs that neglect may be creeping into your relationship:
- Emotional Distance: You feel like you’re talking to a stranger. Conversations become shallow, and deeper emotional connection feels like a distant memory.
- Decreased Intimacy: This includes physical intimacy, but also emotional, spiritual, and intellectual intimacy. You might share the same bed but feel miles apart.
- Increased Conflict: Small issues become big fights. Every disagreement feels like a battle for validation rather than an effort to understand each other.
- Feelings of Betrayal: Even small breaches in trust can add up over time. When you stop risking vulnerability with each other, trust starts to erode.
If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to take action.
The Courage to Reconnect
Here’s the counterintuitive truth: When things get tough, our instinct is often to pull away. But the real solution lies in leaning in—choosing to spend time with your partner, even when it feels difficult.
Start small. You don’t need to plan an elaborate vacation or a grand gesture. Simple, consistent efforts make all the difference. Begin with five to ten-minute daily check-ins. Ask each other about your day. Share a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine before bed. These small moments of connection build emotional reserves that sustain your relationship through tough times.
Set aside an hour each week as a no-fly zone for distractions. Dedicate this time to each other—whether it’s having a meaningful conversation, enjoying a hobby together, or just being present.
The Power of Appreciation
One of the quickest ways to rekindle connection is through appreciation. Acknowledge your partner’s efforts, big and small. Did they cook dinner, take care of the kids, or support you in your career? Make sure they know you see it. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to the feelings of neglect that can grow when we start taking each other for granted.
Rebuild Trust Through Risk
Trust is built when we risk vulnerability with each other. If you’ve felt betrayed—big or small—the journey to rebuild trust starts with acknowledging the hurt and choosing to risk again. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for any relationship to thrive.
The Roadmap to Reconnection
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to do this alone. Seeking professional help from a relationship expert or therapist can provide the support and guidance you need to heal and reconnect. Our Save Your Marriage program offers practical tools and skills to help you rebuild trust, intimacy, and connection in your relationship.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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- Relationship Conversation Cards: Enhance your communication and deepen your connection with our Relationship Conversation Cards. stacibartley.com/cards
