Episode 73: Surprise! I Wrote A Book About How To Ensure A Lifetime Of Love

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We all know that relationships are hard work, but sometimes it can feel like the effort you're putting in isn't changing anything.


It seems like half the time we're fighting and the other half we're bored. Maybe, we'd even say our relationship feels dead. But, why does it feel like we put so much work into our relationships and only get back a fraction of what we give?


It's time to change how we think about relationships. They're not something that just happens to us, they're something we create. With the right mindset, you can have a loving relationship that will last and last. Love is not something we find or get given, it's something we learn to do. It's about learning to love yourself first, then being able to love another person in a way that doesn't involve all the obligations we've been taught that relationships require.


Sounds great in theory, but how do we actually go about this?


In my new book, I outline the exact steps you need to take to create revive your relationship and ensure a lifetime of love.


Hi! We are Staci & Tom Bartley and we help committed couples rescue their relationships so they can finally create long-lasting love without having to spend hours analyzing their past, beating themselves up, or feeling like they are making no progress. We do this via sharing our unique frameworks, teaching new tools and skills, one on one sessions, and through our signature courses Relationship Rescue and Love For A Lifetime.


In my new book, I outline the exact steps you need to take to create revive your relationship and ensure a lifetime of love. Today we're going to be talking about chapter one which is all about how committed relationships are so much more about what’s going on inside of ourselves than they ever are about the other person. And, how we have been told many lies about love and relationships, and those lies have totally misguided us when it comes to creating the kind of relationship that can stand the test of time.

We've been taught many lies about love and relationships.

Hearing things like, “True love is forever love," are way more damaging than they are helpful.


We are also made to feel shameful when the temporary nature of love shows up in our lives, and we make up a lot of lies about this, too. We believe things like...“I did it wrong." or “Something is wrong with me.”


When our dance with love comes to an end just because we bought into the lies and expectations of what it should be, we then take blame and shame to a whole new level.


Instead of coming to the conclusion that we have misunderstood the purpose of love and that we lack the skills needed for navigating our way in relationships with ourselves and others, we cling to outdated ideas about what love is supposed to be.

Committed relationships are more about what's going on inside of ourselves than anything else.

When we understand that relationships are more than just the other person, it changes how we approach them. We're no longer looking for someone to complete us or make us happy. We're looking for someone to share our life with. We're looking for someone who understands us and loves us for who we are.


We also need to learn how to love ourselves. This doesn't mean we have to be perfect. We can still have our flaws and be okay with them. It means that we accept ourselves for who we are and we're okay with being imperfect. When we learn how to love ourselves, it makes it easier to love others.

Love is temporary, and we never own it—or anyone, for that matter.

The idea that love is temporary can be a hard thing to accept, but it's something that we need to understand if we want to have healthy and sustainable relationships. When we understand that love is fleeting, it allows us to appreciate it more. We're no longer holding onto the idea that love is permanent, and we can enjoy each moment that we're together without worrying about what's going to happen in the future.


We also need to be okay with the fact that we will never own or control the other person. They are their own individual and they have a right to their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. We need to respect them and cherish them for who they are. We need to remember that love is not about possession or control, it's about connection and shared experiences.


When we can let go of our need for control and our need to be complete, we can create relationships that are more fulfilling and meaningful. We're no longer looking for someone to fill a void in our lives, but instead, we're looking for someone to share our life with. We're looking for someone who understands us and loves us for who we are.


Love is not about perfection, it's about connection.

We make up a lot of lies about love and buy into expectations that aren't realistic.

One of the biggest lies that we tell ourselves is that love is perfect. We believe that if we're in a committed relationship, then everything should be perfect. We should never have disagreements or fights. We should always be happy and in love. This is not only unrealistic, but it's also unhealthy.


Disagreements and fights are a normal part of any relationship. They don't mean that the relationship is doomed. In fact, they can actually be healthy for the relationship if they're handled in a constructive way.


When we hold onto the idea that love is perfect, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. We're not allowing for any growth or change in the relationship, and we're not allowing for any mistakes to be made. This can lead to tension and resentment in the relationship.

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In this episode, we're talking about how relationships are more than just the other person. They're about what's going on inside of our own body and mind, too. Our needs, desires, and wants. Committed relationships require constant attention and dedication to make them work. Understanding that love is not perfect can help us have healthier relationships where it doesn't matter if there are disagreements or fights because they don't mean anything bad will happen in the future. Hopefully, this episode will help you think differently about your relationship with yourself and others by understanding how important self-love is for maintaining a healthy life partner connection. If all of this sounds intimidating and you want help enacting these principles, let us know! This is exactly what we do, and we are ready to help you create a Lifetime of Love!

Links mentioned in show:




  1. Get on the book list so you can stay up to date here: lifetimeoflove.me
  2. How To Stop A Fight In 20-Seconds Or Less. Get Your Free Cheat Sheet Here.
  3. Relationship Check-up - tired of re-hashing your issues with your partner without making progress? Schedule your check-up today!
  4. Get on the fun list here.
  5. Check out our Love Shack Live Playlist for all the songs we play on the show.