#192: The Heartbreak of Waiting: How to Move Forward When Your Partner Stays Stuck (Part Two)
Unlocking the Door to a Deeper Connection: Self-Focus and Relationship Growth
Picture this: you're standing in front of a locked door, waiting and hoping for your partner to open it, to meet you where you are. Each day, the door seems to grow heavier, and the waiting feels endless. You start to wonder if they'll ever come. What if, instead of waiting, you could find a key within yourself? What if the real change begins when you unlock something within you?
Welcome to Love Shack Live, where we guide you through the journey of transformation in your relationships. I'm Staci Bartley, a relationship expert with over a decade of experience. Together with my co-host and lover Tom, and our daughter Brooke, we're here to help you navigate your relationship crossroads, especially when your efforts at personal growth aren't met with the response you'd hoped from your partner.
The Journey of Self-Improvement
In our last episode, number 191, we talked about the importance of focusing on yourself when seeking change in your relationship. But what happens when your partner doesn’t respond as you’d like? Is it possible that your self-improvement could lead to more conflict? Today, we dive into these questions and offer practical tips on managing challenges when one partner grows and the other seems stuck.
Let's revisit what we discussed: self-focus and personal accountability. This helps you regain control by examining your own patterns and behaviors. It's critical to make conscious choices about your role in the relationship while not taking all the blame. Recognizing your part and focusing on what you can control—your actions and reactions—creates a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.
The Importance of Self-Focus
Self-focus isn't about self-blame. It’s about not letting your happiness be contingent upon your partner’s actions. A common objection we hear is, "How is it fair that I have to take all the responsibility?" It's not fair, but remember, fairness is not what we're striving for. If you’re the one keeping the dream of your relationship alive, you are playing a crucial role.
Yes, it's incredibly tough, but the long-term payoff comes when you realize you've stayed true to your values even during rough times. Your children, your pets, your inner peace—everything will thank you for your perseverance. Self-focus is about empowerment, not about taking on all the blame but about claiming your own actions and staying true to what you believe and value.
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Navigating Challenges and Disappointment
When your journey of growth begins, it's common to believe that your efforts will lead to immediate positive changes in your partner. But sometimes, it doesn't happen that way, leading to frustration and disappointment. So how do you cope?
First, understand that your personal growth journey is about you. It’s not about changing your partner. Often, the best motivation to start this journey comes from a desire to inspire others. But along the way, you’ll discover that the journey is about proving to yourself that you have what it takes to be okay, no matter the external circumstances.
Communicate your needs clearly and keep working on yourself. Over time, personal growth inspires those around you, including your partner, to follow suit. By focusing on your own foundation, you'll be more resilient and better equipped to handle challenges that arise in your relationship.
The Power of Demonstration Over Sacrifice
Working on yourself is working on your relationship. There's a big difference between self-sacrifice and self-focus. Sacrifice often leads to breakdowns—you're giving up too much of yourself, often out of fear. Self-focus, on the other hand, strengthens your foundation, allowing you to support your partner more effectively.
When we secure our own foundation, we naturally create an environment where those around us, including our partners, can thrive. Balance in a relationship doesn't mean sacrificing one's needs for the other’s sake but rather finding a middle ground where both needs are valued and met.
Co-Creation in Relationships
To co-create a fulfilling relationship, you and your partner must understand that your needs are as important as theirs. This requires open communication, where both of you discuss your perspectives and reach a consensus that benefits both. Co-creation leads to mutual growth.
For those in blended families, this process might be more complex but equally rewarding. The key is communication and supporting each other’s roles while giving the biological parent the final call in specific decisions related to their children.
Final Thoughts
Working on yourself lays the foundation for a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. Remember, it’s what you are that heals, not just what you know. Show up as the best version of yourself, rooted in your values and your truth. This empowers you and those around you.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Better Love Club: Access unlimited resources, workshops, and a supportive community to deepen your relationship skills. Explore the club.
- Relationship Conversation Cards: Enhance your communication and deepen your connection with our Relationship Conversation Cards. stacibartley.com/cards
