#198: Falling Out of Love or Just Disconnected? How to Tell and What to Do
In a world where relationships are often viewed through a fairy tale lens, the idea of “falling out of love” frequently surfaces. We’ve all heard the phrase or maybe even said it ourselves. It can feel like love is a mysterious force that just fades over time. But let’s be honest, that’s not the truth—it’s a myth. And today, we’re here to break that myth wide open.
Welcome to Love Shack Live, the place where we dive deep into the realities of love and relationships. I’m Staci Bartley, a relationship mentor, joined by my co-host and life partner, Tom, and our daughter, Brooke. Together, we’ll guide you through the ups and downs of love so you can not only stay in love but thrive in it.
Breaking the Myth
The idea that people “fall out of love” is often misunderstood. When couples say love has faded, they’re often describing a loss of connection, which is perfectly normal. Relationships are fluid, ever-changing. Love doesn’t just disappear—it evolves. And when you understand this, you can learn how to reignite that spark and rediscover connection.
One of the biggest mistakes? Waiting for love to magically reappear. Instead, love requires intentional action. It’s not about passively waiting for feelings to change—it’s about choosing to show up differently.
Understanding Relationship Phases
At first, every relationship has that exciting honeymoon phase—intoxicating and full of idealization. But as magical as this stage feels, it doesn’t last forever. Then comes what we call the “holy shit” moment—when reality sets in. Suddenly, you begin to notice your partner’s imperfections, but this isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a rite of passage.
This is where many couples struggle. It’s crucial to embrace this phase because navigating these differences offers opportunities for personal growth and deeper understanding.
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How to Move Beyond: Co-Creation
If you push through the challenges, you enter the co-creation phase. In this stage, each partner learns to appreciate the other’s differences, creating a deeper bond based on mutual trust and security. This is where mature love lives—where both individuals are contributors to something bigger than themselves.
Mature love requires leaning in. It means embracing the idea that relationships, like life, are cyclical. Even when you reach this phase, there’s always room for rediscovery. The beauty of love lies in its constant evolution.
4 Key Steps to Reignite the Connection
- Skill Up: Stop blaming each other and start learning the skills necessary for a thriving relationship. You wouldn’t expect to drive without learning first, and love is no different.
- Be Vulnerable: Real connection comes from being open. Share your fears and insecurities instead of shielding them. Vulnerability is the foundation of true intimacy.
- Prioritize Time: Relationships need time. Regular, uninterrupted moments for meaningful connection are essential. Think of it as watering a plant—neglect it, and it wilts.
- Play and Set New Intentions: Make room for joy! Sometimes the best way to solve relationship issues is by stepping away from them and simply having fun together. Play is an incredible tool for rekindling connection.
Love is an Ongoing Process
Love doesn’t end—it grows. Relationships provide a canvas for personal expansion and teach us about the richness of life. It’s not about luck; it’s about commitment.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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