Sometimes the most unexpected humans end up handing you the most unexpected gift.
A few years ago, I met a couple named Marnie and Patrick.
They’re passionate. Creative. The kind of people who don’t just “do life” together… they build things together. Experiences. Beauty. A whole atmosphere.
They also reached a point where love wasn’t the issue.
Skills were.
And instead of pretending they could white-knuckle their way through the hard parts (like most of us do), they did something brave: They asked for support.
Not as foodies. Not as collaborators. But, as humans who wanted a better relationship than the one their stress, grief, blended-family dynamics, and old patterns were quietly building for them.
Fast forward to now: they’re not only together, they’re thriving. They’ve built a business that’s become a contribution to people all over the country. And they’ve invited Tom, Brooke, and me into something we’re genuinely honored to co-create with them.
A couples retreat.
In a thousand-year-old castle.
In Tuscany.
I know. It sounds like a dream. But it’s real.
And the reason it matters isn’t “Italy.”
It’s what happens when the right place meets the right pace and you finally stop living your relationship on fumes.
The love story started like this: “magic.”
Marnie and Patrick first met years ago. Quick conversation. Ten minutes. But that familiar feeling people try to explain and never quite can.
The kind of connection that makes you think: Where have you been?
Years passed. Life happened. They reconnected later when they were both single, and that same feeling was still there.
They met up at an event, realized they shared the same sense of humor, and the rest was history.
(And by “history,” we mean: blended families, real life, schedules that don’t care about romance, and all the pressure points that show up when it’s no longer just you two.)
The moment they ran out of “bag of tricks”
If you’ve ever gotten to the end of your coping skills and thought:
- “We keep having the same fight.”
- “I don’t know how to say what I need without it blowing up.”
- “I love them, but I feel alone.”
- “We’re fine… but we’re not connected.”
That was the territory.
For Marnie and Patrick, it was the stress of a blended family, the strain of two lives merging, grief, and the way old relationship habits come back when you’re tired and overwhelmed.
They realized they didn’t just need more “love.”
They needed a better way to handle the moments when love gets tested.
So Marnie reached out. Started getting support. And then brought Patrick in.
And here’s something important:
They didn’t come to “fix each other.” They came to build safety.
That’s when things changed.
The skill that kept showing up: closing “the gap”
One of the biggest shifts they talk about in this conversation is what happens in the space between two people.
That gap.
The one where nobody says what they really mean… but everybody fills in the blank anyway.
And those blanks tend to be brutal.
Your mind makes up a story.
Their mind makes up a story.
Suddenly you’re living in two separate realities… and both of you are reacting to something that was never actually said out loud.
We jokingly call it “the land of the f**k” here. No one wants a ticket there, but somehow that’s always where we end up if we try to navigate difficult conversations without skills.
But the point is serious:
If you don’t fill the gap with truth, your nervous system fills it with fear.
And fear is an awful relationship advisor.
“Cracked open” is the phrase that stuck with me
Patrick talked about something I think a lot of people quietly recognize but don’t know how to name:
Over time, we get calcified.
We get rigid. Guarded. Locked into old ways of being.
Not because we’re bad.
Because we’re trying to survive.
And then one day, you do the thing you’ve been avoiding (saying what you need, owning your truth, asking directly)… and instead of it destroying your relationship, it does something else:
It opens you back up.
He described it as being “cracked open.”
That moment when your voice comes back online.
When you realize you can say the thing kindly, clearly… and the relationship can hold it.
That doesn’t just change your marriage.
That changes your whole life.
Why this is turning into a couples retreat
Now here’s where the story takes a turn.
Marnie has been hosting retreats in Italy for years. Specifically at a castle that’s hard to explain until you’ve been there.
Not because it’s fancy.
Because it’s alive.
It’s not a museum piece you’re afraid to touch.
It invites you in. It slows you down. It makes adults feel like kids again. Wandering, exploring, laughing, getting lost in hallways, touching books that are hundreds of years old, walking vineyards, watching sunsets, sitting with a glass of wine and remembering you have a nervous system.
And after Tom and I finally went, we came home with one thought:
People need this.
Not as a “vacation.” As a reset. A return.
A re-learning of what it feels like to be human… and partnered… without being in a constant sprint.
Romance isn’t a grand gesture. It’s your five senses.
One of the things we’ll be doing on the retreat is daily relationship sessions in a small church on the castle property.
And when we say “romance,” we don’t mean forced intimacy or curated perfection.
We mean:
- slowing down enough to actually see each other
- noticing what you’ve been too rushed to notice
- using your senses to come back into your body
- remembering that closeness is built through small moments, not pressure
Because most couples don’t need a massive overhaul.
They need a place where their nervous systems can exhale long enough to feel connected again.
Try this at home: the dinner ritual we loved
If you don’t have a castle handy (same), here’s a simple ritual from the episode you can try this week.
At dinner, ask each person at the table:
“What was one small moment from this past week that felt surprisingly meaningful?”
Then, when everyone has shared, offer a toast:
“To the small moments that become the big remembered ones.”
That’s the real work, by the way.
Not chasing some future version of happiness.
Not waiting until life calms down.
Practicing the kind of connection that holds you while life is happening.
If this episode moved you, here’s what to do next
Want to join us in Tuscany?
We’re co-creating a couples retreat in a thousand-year-old castle in Tuscany, Italy. Part romance, part relationship skills, part sensory reset. Slow mornings, incredible food, white space, and daily relationship sessions designed to bring you back to each other.
Book/save your room (only 7 couples):
https://stacibartley.com/couples-retreat
Want support choosing what’s next?
If you’re not sure what you need right now, book a clarity call and we’ll help you find your best next step.
Clarity Call:
https://stacibartley.com/apply
Want to taste what Marnie + Patrick create?
You can order Solstice Savory Pies online (they ship nationwide) and bring a little “break bread together” energy to your own kitchen.
Order here:
https://solsticesavorypies.com
And if this post (or the episode) moved you, share it with someone you care about. Human to human is how this work spreads.
