#218: Want to Save Your Relationship? Change the Questions You’re Asking (with Topaz Adizes)
In relationships, confusion and turbulence often seem inevitable. But what if there was a way to navigate through it all and reach a deeper, more meaningful connection? Whether you’re facing a growing silence, longing for greater intimacy, or questioning the very essence of love, the answer lies in acknowledging these feelings and exploring ways to bridge the emotional distance. Let’s dive into a discussion of intimacy, communication, and the transformative power of understanding, as featured on the Love Shack Live podcast.
The Space Between Us: How to Build Deeper Connections in Relationships
Have you ever found yourself sitting beside the one you love, feeling the weight of silence between you? Not because the love isn’t there, but because something’s missing, something you can’t quite name. Maybe it’s vulnerability, maybe it’s intimacy. But whatever it is, it feels like a gap, and you don’t know how to bridge it.
In today’s fast-paced world, we often find ourselves searching for deeper connection, but struggle to create it. We long to be seen, to be heard, but sometimes, we’re afraid that opening up will push our partners away rather than draw them closer. It’s a dilemma so many of us face, and yet it’s often the very thing that can transform our relationships if we’re willing to take the risk.
That’s what today’s episode of Love Shack Live is all about, exploring the space between us. I’m your host, Staci Bartley, and I’m here with my co-host and husband Tom, along with our daughter Brooke. We’re diving into the power of vulnerability and how asking the right questions can help us reconnect and build deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Joining us for this conversation is Topaz Adizes, a master of human connection and the creator of The And, an Emmy-award-winning project dedicated to unlocking the full potential of human dialogue. Over the past decade, Topaz has spent thousands of hours crafting conversations that bridge gaps between people of all walks of life. Through his work, he’s uncovered something powerful, we all crave connection.
But here’s the catch: it doesn’t come easy. The right questions can shift perspectives and open hearts, but it takes courage to ask them, and even more courage to truly listen. Topaz shares how crafting conversations that matter can help us overcome the barriers we put up, and how that space between us, that fertile ground, can be where growth and deeper intimacy thrive.
Why Questions Matter
Let’s start with something that may surprise you: the quality of your relationship is often determined by the quality of the questions you ask. That’s right, asking the right questions opens the door to real conversations and deeper understanding.
Topaz explains that the key to transforming your connection with your partner starts with the questions you ask. Instead of the typical “How was your day?” or “What’s wrong with you?”, ask questions that invite real exploration. Questions like, “What do you think is the hardest thing about being in a relationship with me?” or “What do you think this challenge in our relationship is teaching us?” These types of questions don’t just scratch the surface, they dig deep into your emotions and your bond, creating space for growth.
The Separation Survival Kit
Feeling lost after your partner asked for space? The Separation Survival Kit has everything you need to regain your footing. Packed with practical tips and guided exercises, it’s designed to help you navigate the uncertainty and make empowered decisions—without the spiral of overthinking.
The Power of the Pause
Another powerful tool that Topaz shares is the power of the pause. So many times in relationships, we react impulsively, either shutting down or getting defensive. But what if we could learn to pause, reflect, and respond with intention? That’s where real change happens. The pause allows you to check in with yourself before you respond, giving you the chance to take a step back and avoid knee-jerk reactions that can escalate tension. By cultivating this moment of awareness, we can approach even the most difficult conversations with calm and clarity.
Creating the Space Between Us
Topaz also shares his unique perspective on creating space between you and your partner, a space where connection, understanding, and intimacy can grow. In relationships, it’s easy to become consumed by each other’s emotions, thoughts, and actions. But when we can learn to recognize where we end and our partner begins, we create room for healthier communication. This space allows us to co-create a relationship based on mutual understanding and respect.
In essence, intimacy isn’t just about sharing feelings, it’s about creating a safe space where vulnerability can thrive. This takes practice, it takes courage, and it takes intentionality. As Topaz shares, “Humanity isn’t in us; it’s in the space between us.” This space is where real connection happens.
Breakthrough or Breakdown?
So how do you know when a relationship is ready for a breakthrough, and when it’s time to reconsider? Topaz’s answer is simple: look at the space between you. Are you growing together, learning from each other, and meeting each other’s needs? Or are you constantly fighting, shutting down, or blaming each other? In a healthy relationship, both partners are invested and willing to show up. When one person stops rowing, the whole boat risks sinking.
But here’s the thing, sometimes, we can’t move forward unless we first let go of the past. Knowing when to let go doesn’t mean giving up, it means understanding that the growth and learning from a relationship are often more important than the outcome. Sometimes, it’s the lessons that matter most.
Key Takeaways:
- The questions you ask shape the conversations you have and ultimately the connection you build. Ask questions that dig deep and create meaningful dialogue.
- The power of the pause is a game-changer. Before reacting, take a moment to check in with yourself, allowing you to respond thoughtfully and intentionally.
- Creating a healthy space between you and your partner allows for growth, intimacy, and mutual respect. Recognize where you end and where your partner begins.
- A breakthrough in your relationship starts with a breakthrough in understanding. Trust that the work you put in today will lead to deeper, more fulfilling connections in the future.
Join the Love and Limbo 30-Day Roadmap
If you’ve been feeling lost, overwhelmed, and disconnected, now is the time to make a change. The Love In Limbo: 30-Day Roadmap is not about waiting for someone else to fix things. It’s about YOU regaining control, finding clarity, and building the confidence you deserve.
This journey isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about showing up for yourself, mastering emotional regulation, and breaking free from the mental and emotional chaos you’ve been stuck in. No more walking on eggshells. No more second-guessing. This roadmap provides clear, actionable steps to help you regain your peace.
It’s time to stop letting your partner’s actions dictate your emotional state. By focusing on your own needs and building inner strength, you’ll regain confidence and clarity, one step at a time.
As a thank you for being part of our community, use the code LOVESHACK15 at checkout for 15% off.
Click below to begin your journey to a better, more balanced YOU:
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Has your partner asked for space? Don’t panic—it’s not the end. It’s an opportunity to reflect, rebuild, and reconnect.
- 🌟 Learn more about Topaz and his incredible work:
🔗 Visit The Skin Deep: https://www.theskindeep.com
📖 Get Topaz’s Book: 12 Questions for Love: https://www.theskindeep.com/products/12-questions-for-love-book
- Download the Separation Survival Kit: Your essential guide to managing emotional distance, staying grounded, and creating clarity during this uncertain time. Get it here: https://stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/optin
- Start Your Self-Paced 30-Day Roadmap: This flexible, step-by-step guide is designed to help you navigate emotional distance, honor your partner’s need for space, and rebuild trust—on your own terms and timeline. Learn more and get started today: https://stacibartley.com/self-paced/30-day-roadmap
- Discover All Our Programs: From expert mentorship to proven strategies, find the perfect fit to support your relationship journey. Explore here: https://stacibartley.com/programs/index/
- Exclusive for Podcast Listeners: Use the code LOVESHACK15 at checkout to unlock your special discount!
Take this moment as a chance to grow—both individually and together. ❤️
